Remembering Our 1st Babies

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October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I wanted to take this time to send my love and condolences to every mom who has either lost a pregnancy, or a baby, or maybe even both.

On June 19, 2012 I suffered a 6-week miscarriage.

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I was in utter shock, and disbelief. I felt as if my heart had literally left my chest and the air had escaped me. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I wanted to believe that the ultrasound was incorrect and that there was still an embryo in my womb. I would have given anything to wake up and realize it was all a dream. My husband and I suffered through it quietly, and eventually, we got to a point where we wanted to try again.

In April of 2014, we were pregnant again.

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I was cautious about the pregnancy, and I made sure I stayed off of my feet as much as possible during the 1st trimester. Everything was going well until I hit the 5 month mark. At 19 weeks pregnant, I was admitted to the hospital because my cervix was dilated and completely effaced.

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My sac would later rupture, presenting a huge risk of infection for both baby and me. Our son's life was in danger and no time was to be wasted. I spent 9 days at the hospital in trendelenburg position, with the hopes of keeping the baby in as long as possible. Eventually, my body went into labor. At 20 weeks, I delivered a beautiful baby boy. He could not yet breathe on his own. Because he wasn't considered "viable", he was not placed on an oxygen machine and literally died from suffocation in our arms. We held him and kissed his sweet body and dedicated him to Jesus. His name is Korbyn, and he is with Jesus.

 We held him and loved on him until he passed away in our arms.

We held him and loved on him until he passed away in our arms.

It was determined I had an incompetent cervix. After doing lots of research, I went on to get a transabdominal cerclage placed in December of 2014, at 10 weeks pregnant.

 The day before having my transabdominal cerclage placed. Johnson City, TN

The day before having my transabdominal cerclage placed. Johnson City, TN

 Eilan, my oldest baby, at 1 day old. 

Eilan, my oldest baby, at 1 day old. 

It was placed by one of the authorities on the procedure, Dr. George Davis, and since then I have had two beautiful babies. Its hard to believe that my son Eilan was only a 10-week fetus in my womb, when they were operating around him to help save his life. I am amazed by God's goodness every time I have that thought! Every year, we celebrate our son Korbyn's birthday by getting him a cake and just remembering his sweet life. I keep a memory box for him and his framed photo is in our room. It's always bittersweet, but I know that God is with me. He gave us two beautiful babies, because He has counted my tears and they were not shed in vain.

WATCH MY VIDEO ON COPING WITH MY LATE MISCARRIAGE.

 Pregnancy Shoot...pregnant with baby girl here...

Pregnancy Shoot...pregnant with baby girl here...

 Family of four...

Family of four...

 Two of my blessings today.

Two of my blessings today.

If you've ever gone through a similar situation please be encouraged. You are not alone. It will get better. 

Until Next Time,

Ker-Leen